Stupid hipsters are so ironic, but this bitch Claire Suddath is what i like to call the double negative ironic hipster. Clinically known as a giant dumbass. She think’s she’s ascending heads and vaginas above “the recent bout of viral narcissism” by writing this article for TIME magazine called 25 Things I Didn’t Want to Know About You and pointing out how stuuuupid everyone is on facebook for posting answers to the “25 things” survey. UNTRUE. First of all, you know that she climaxed hard all over herself when she came up with the phrase “recent bout of viral narcissism”. She probably climaxed twice, or as Rose Nylund would say, thrice, while she was writing the whole thing, because she seems like a girl that rubs one out in front of a mirror and then date rapes herself. Second of all, obviously the damn 25 things survey is stupid and self-centered but so is facebook, you twat. You say: “Below are 25 facts I wish people hadn’t told me about themselves. They come from from friends, friends-of-friends, friends-of-friends-of-friends, and my coworkers.” Uh, you’re the shitmobile that spent time reading friends of friends of friends’ surveys when you could have obviously been out drinking Stellas at a dive bar in Greenpoint being better than everyone else. It’s not like everytime someone filled one out, your computer erupted in fireworks and then sang the Chinese national anthem until you clicked on the link to read it.
But whatever. I do know people under 50 who are genuinely immune to this online digital social networking hoo-ha. I had a boss who wouldn’t touch facebook or any of those sites with a ten foot penis. But she was living under some weird delusion that made her believe she was famous, and I think she thought that extending any information online would be the fatal straw that would destroy the “enigma” at the core of her carefully built game of Kerplunk. Anyway, the thing is that I did a two second google search for this Claire Suddath and the third link that came up was her friendster profile – you are so ironic to still have friendster, it’s like those crazy kids who still use eight-tracks cuz things were better then, man! Some choice profile selections:
Occupation: I write for a living. And I eat babies.
Trivia That Will Become Important Once I’m Rich & Famous: I used to own a blind dog, a retarded dog, a fish with no eyes and a hamster named Caligula. But not all at once.
Who I Want to Meet: Hunchback albino midgets.
Well what do you know. There’s three things that I didn’t want to know about you! I also found out she had a radio show called “I Like Songs”. I can only imagine how wet her undies were when she came up with that title. SO IRONIC!
Anyway I’m bored talking about this moron now.
P.S. – How come when I google image “ironic”, photos of Barry Manilow keep coming up?
